Introversion, Sensing, Feeling and Judging

So, I took a personality test. I wanted to know what it had to say about me, if it could explain why I am the way that I am. And in this post I will try to dissect the answer it gave me and make sense of it. So, after answering that long personality quiz, the first thing that I saw was: “Defender personality, ISFJ“, which stands for Introversion, Sensing, Feeling and Judging. I wasn’t sure what all of this meant so I googled, for introversion I found meant: “…tend to be quiet and reserved. They generally prefer interacting with a few close friends rather than a wide circle of acquaintances, and they expend energy in social situations“. Sensing: “…tend to be more concrete than abstract. They focus their attention on the details rather than the big picture, and on immediate realities rather than future possibilities“. Feeling: “…tend to value personal considerations above objective criteria. When making decisions, they often give more weight to social implications than to logic.” Judging: “…tend to plan their activities and make decisions early. They derive a sense of control through predictability.”

While the test is not 100% accurate for me, it was true for the most part. Anyone that knows me will say that I am not quiet and reserved and they would be correct. I am an extrovert with those close to me, friends and family, but if I don’t know someone I will be so quiet and shy, that they wouldn’t recognize me. It is true that I prefer the close circle than a big circle, and I do spend a lot of energy. I felt a little attacked when I read that I focus a lot in small details rather than the big picture. Which is half true. I do focus in those small details, but I also look at the big picture. And for sure I love something concrete rather than something abstract. I am trying to improve the part where my decisions are emotional rather than logical, and to some extent it is working, but it is still a work in progress. Lastly, of course I plan everything beforehand, I like to know all the possibilities before diving in. Don’t you..?

But then there’s this phrase: “Defenders are often receptive to change and new ideas“… How about no? Ok, look, when I need to move onto a new facet of my life I will do it. It doesn’t mean that I like it, it means that it’s necessary. But everything needs to be carefully planned. And about the “new ideas“? Well, again, I just need sufficient planning. “Defenders are true altruists, meeting kindness with kindness-in-excess and engaging the work and people they believe in with enthusiasm and generosity.” This part particularly fits me. Everyone that knows me -truly knows me-, knows this to be true. It’s actually one of the reasons that it’s been hard to make friends in the States, because there’s no such thing as “meeting kindness with kindness-in-excess“, I’ve had my hands full when walking from my car to my apartment -and it’s clear I need help/I’m struggling- and I’ve had either neighbors help me out by simply opening a door and I’ve had neighbors that won’t help me at all. This is part of the reason why I’ve gotten into trouble with people, they don’t get how -or even why- I’m so enthusiastic all the time. Which is not necessarily true, but I like to project that because there’s enough sadness in the world, you know? So while I might be bummed out inside, I will try my best to be cheerful.

Fun fact: There’s only 13% of us ISFJ’s. No wonder we’re so rare.

“Defender personalities are often meticulous to the point of perfectionism, and though they procrastinate, they can always be relied on to get the job done on time.” This is another part that fits me to a T. I tend to be a perfectionist, even though I have been working on it. Because not everything can or will be perfect. I procrastinate to no end, but everything is always done on time, which is the reason I procrastinate, though I know I need to do better. “…take their responsibilities personally, consistently going above and beyond, doing everything they can to exceed expectations and delight others, at work and at home.” Work, yes, home, maybe not so much. I am not much of a family person. I love my family, but as a whole we’re not very close, the person I talk to the most is my dad. But the rest, not so much, only here and there. Which is a shame, because when I see other families and they’re all together and they all get along, I get jealous. So, to some extent, I want that too, but we’re all so different as a family, and it wasn’t something that we were taught or encouraged.

“They have a tendency to underplay their accomplishments, and while their kindness is often respected, more cynical and selfish people are likely to take advantage of their dedication and humbleness…” This one specifically speaks to me, because I don’t like to be praised, I get super shy when someone praises me and I’ve been taken advantage of more times than I can remember. That quote continues as: “…need to know when to say no and stand up for themselves if they are to maintain their confidence and enthusiasm.” It’s funny because it is something I’m currently struggling with. I know I need to stand up for myself, but I feel it will cause more trouble than it’s worth and then I’m going to end up like the bad guy.

“Naturally social, an odd quality for Introverts…” I feel… attacked. I am very social, and people think I’m an extrovert, but I am not, not really. I am very shy when I don’t know someone, of course after I know them I’m hell on heels, but otherwise no. I have a special problem with this one: “...coworkers, whom people with the Defender personality type often consider their personal friends.“, specially because I don’t know how to do things half-way, I am an all-or-nothing gal. I have a lot of troubles with the gray area. I don’t exactly sure if it’s a good or bad thing but that’s how I am, there are a lot of things that I know I could improve on, but I don’t know if this is one of those.

“…rarely sitting idle while a worthy cause remains unfinished…. ability to connect with others on an intimate level is unrivaled among Introverts, and the joy they experience in using those connections to maintain a supportive, happy family is a gift for everyone involved…” Yes, a hundred times, yes. It’s hard for me to sit idle when I can do something about, well, something. I struggled for the longest time whether to help someone or not. I thought about it night and day. And I ended up not helping because I didn’t want the other person to feel uncomfortable. That’s another problem I have. I put myself in other’s peoples shoes, maybe way too much.

Strengths:

1. Supportive: …universal helpers, sharing their knowledge, experience, time and energy with anyone who needs it… they strive for win-win situations, choosing empathy over judgment whenever possible. (Y.E.S.)
2. Reliable and Patient: …are meticulous and careful, taking a steady approach and bending with the needs of the situation just enough to accomplish their end goals… not only ensure that things are done to the highest standard, but often go well beyond what is required. (💯)
3. Imaginative and Observant: …very imaginative, and use this quality as an accessory to empathy, observing others’ emotional states and seeing things from their perspective. (I feel personally attacked again.)
4. Enthusiastic: …take all this support, reliability and imagination and apply it to something they believe will make a difference in people’s lives – whether fighting poverty with a global initiative or simply making a customer’s day. (I’m enthusiastic, but I am not sure about the whole explanation on this one.)
5. Loyal and Hard-Working: Given a little time, this enthusiasm grows into loyalty… personalities often form an emotional attachment to the ideas and organizations they’ve dedicated themselves to. Anything short of meeting their obligations with good, hard work fails their own expectations. (Yes, also with people. Which is not the best thing ever.)
6. Good Practical Skills: …have the practical sense to actually do something with all this altruism… can see the beauty and harmony that they create, because they know that it helps them to care for their friends, family, and anyone else who needs it. (I don’t think this is true. If anything all I’ve created lately is chaos.)

Weaknesses:

1. Humble and Shy: …this is possibly Defenders’ biggest challenge, as they are so concerned with others’ feelings that they refuse to make their thoughts known, or to take any duly earned credit for their contributions. Defenders’ standards for themselves are also so high that, knowing they could have done some minor aspect of a task better, they often downplay their successes entirely. (So freaking true.)
2. Take Things Too Personally: …have trouble separating personal and impersonal situations… and any negativity from conflict or criticism can carry over from their professional to their personal lives, and back again. (This is a current struggle. Trying to hang in there.)
3. Repress Their Feelings: …are private and very sensitive, internalizing their feelings a great deal. Much in the way that they protect others’ feelings, they must protect their own, and this lack of healthy emotional expression can lead to a lot of stress and frustration. (This is equals part true and false, I am very open with a lot of stuff, but really-true feelings is not something I tell everyone and I tell everyone everything. I’m also transparent as hell, which doesn’t help.)
4. Overload Themselves: …strong senses of duty and perfectionism combine with this aversion to emotional conflict to create a situation where it is far too easy to overload themselves as they struggle silently to meet everyone’s expectations, especially their own. (😬💯)
5. Reluctant to change: …a situation sometimes needs to reach a breaking point before they are persuaded by circumstance, or the strong personality of a loved one, to alter course. (A thousand times yes, which is bad.)
6. Too Altruistic: …Being such warm, good-natured people, Defenders are willing to let things slide, to believe that things will get better soon, to not burden others by accepting their offers of help, while their troubles mount unassisted. (What is the number one reason Carolyn stays in friendships for too long when it’s not going anywhere? Because she gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. 😬)

It goes on and on talking about relationships which I’m omitting for now, but it does talk about friendships. “…they also need to be able to connect on a deeper emotional level. It makes sense then that most of Defenders’ friends are made not by random encounters on a wild night out, but through comfortable and consistent contact, as in class or in the workplace where they have the time to get to know each other little by little.” This is super true. All of my friends I met as classmates. There’s no one that I consider friend that is outside of that. It should be consider as a weakness the fact that: “…need a lot of positive feedback, and admitting this need certainly shows vulnerability, but if that vulnerability is well handled, it creates the deep bonds that Defender personalities look for. If badly handled or not reciprocated, it’s hard to see the burgeoning friendship surviving without quite a bit of extra effort.” The perfect examples of this are the friendships I’ve talked about in the past and it’s funny/interesting, because I experienced both so recently. One person handled well that vulnerability, the other didn’t. That translates to still being friends with one, but not with the other.

“…as their friendships develop… a sense of loyalty may push them… to meet their friends’ needs, to the point of neglecting their own… they show this in a few ways, from going clearly out of their ways to stick to trivial commitments, to simply not wanting to disagree or say no for fear of causing turbulence. More cynical types would call this naïve, and may even take advantage of Defenders’ altruism – but these are hardly the type of people who could be called ‘friends’“. This flows with the previous statement, it’s part of the reason my friendship ended. He didn’t understand that this is a default setting for me. Which is the type that last statement is talking about. “The real friends…are the ones Defenders truly cherish for their quality of character and quality of discussion. Defenders aren’t particularly picky about what personality types they make friends with, at least not initially, but because they prefer so strongly to avoid conflict and miscommunication, most of their friends are likely to end up being fairly similar personalities.” This is so, so true. I’ve sat down and made this analysis and it is true, all of my friends are similar to me, of course we have differences but we have a lot of things in common.

It also talks about the workplace. “…can always be relied on for their kindness and ability to listen to concerns, and to find ways to resolve them. Win-win situations are Defenders’ bread and butter, and no one takes quite the same pleasure in finding satisfying resolutions to day-to-day challenges.” It goes on to say: “As subordinates they exemplify the strength of humble dedication… only seek one reward for their work: the satisfaction of knowing that whoever they helped feels heartfelt thanks. On the other hand, this humbleness can hold them back – Defenders are quite unwilling to advertise their achievements, often for fear of creating unnecessary friction.” This is particularly true, it is something I am trying to work with currently, I need to be more extroverted. I need to keep my feet firm on the ground and I need to not let anyone step on me. In workplace topics, naturally, co-workers come up. “Among their colleagues, people with this personality type seek a friction-less environment, a spirit of friends helping friends to get the job done. Close-knit and supportive teams are what Defenders enjoy most, allowing them to express their altruistic spirit among people who rely on their dedication and warmth. Defenders are natural networkers, but they use this skill to keep things running smoothly, not as a tool for professional advancement.” I feel -once again-, personally attacked, this is not necessarily a good thing. I’m being too altruistic right now and I am trying to keep the peace even though my coworkers are doing everything in their power to push me over the edge. I guess they could argue they’re not and they could be right. I might being too dramatic as normal, but I believe this is one of the times that I’m not wrong. I don’t know, I’ll figure it out. It goes onto explaining how people with my personality could be managers/bosses, etc. “…they don’t actually enjoy managing others, but this can be one of their greatest strengths… they are warm, approachable and great listeners… prefer to work alongside their subordinates, organizing people and minimizing conflict. This helps them to create personal relationships with their subordinates, to be friends in the workplace who simply have different sets of responsibilities. While they may be slow to accept some changes, they are great at helping their teams put them into practice once they’ve been agreed on. Defenders may be too sensitive to be fully executive material, but they make exemplary floor and office managers who know what it takes to satisfy their customers.” This last topic is particularly me and it’s not at the same time. I can organize stuff well, but I am not good at bossing people around which is why I’m having trouble. Supposedly, I would make a good one -though not an excellent one- because of all of this mentioned before.

The conclusion circles that: “Few personality types are as practical and dedicated… Known for their reliability and hard work… are good at creating and maintaining a secure and stable environment for themselves… dedication is invaluable in many areas, including their own personal growth. Yet Defenders can be easily tripped up in areas where their kind and practical attitude is more of a liability than an asset. Whether it is navigating interpersonal conflicts, confronting unpleasant facts, pursuing self-realization, or managing your workload, you need to put in a conscious effort to develop your weaker traits and additional skills.” I believe, there’s not much left to say…

As I was reading this I felt identified, I felt attacked, and others didn’t fit me but for the most part they did. Whenever I am judging myself, I try to be as neutral as possible because I like to be objective. Of course this is not foolproof, it’s a very flawed system. We, as humans being, tend to overlook all of our faults and it’s something I am currently struggling with. I encourage everyone to take the test, it will help you understand some things about yourself, I know it did for me. It specifically outlined my strengths and weaknesses which was an eye opener and most importantly, it showed me that I am not the only one. That a lot of people struggle with this too, even if it’s just the 13%…

Credits to: https://www.16personalities.com/isfj-personality for the creation of the test and the good studies to understand ourselves.